New Template Installed

Well, new year is almost upon us, I have uploaded my new template, and have found one irritating issue with it, and that is everywhere I've written an apostrophie, it has been replaced with a euro sign. This is only for past posts, and any new posts this appears to be fine. I will slowly go back over my past posts, and amend the ' with a ' and republish them to fix the problem.

Happy New Year. and lets hope its a nice peaceful one !

New Template For A New Year.

Hi People.
Today I have been updating my blogs template. I found a nice one on Cazza's blog templates site, and so have been busy beavering away at including all my customised bits and pieces. I have now completed it all, and will be unveiling the new look on January 1st. New year, new me !

At this time of year, a lot of people look back over the past year, not me. I have had some good times and some not so good. So I am going to look forwards to 2006. In the coming year, I intend to try some new things, as I'm always up for a challenge. So in no particular order I will hopefully at some time in 2006 do the following:
1. Smoke a cigar - I don't smoke, and don't like other doing it (I did smoke for a little while when I was 15, but that was kids stuff).
2. Go ice skating, I have done this before, but always end up on my arse. I haven't been for over 10 years, and hopefully my belly will counter balance the weight of my arse.
3. Lose approximately 8lb (4Kg to those on European measures). I have no idea what I weight, so maybe it will need to be a little more.
4. Go nude on the beach in summer. Yes I did that this year, but we were the only people on the beach so it isn't the same.

Damn that Engineer - He's so funny !

Well last night, I read the engineers perspective to the wife. Its been about 6 years since I read it last. Well, bugger me, I was halfway through reading it when I started to get the giggles, and as you read the article you will see what I mean, the further you go, the more you laugh. By the time I was almost finished reading the story, I could hardly speak, I was laughing so much, I had tears rolling down my cheeks. One saving grace. I wasn't wearing any mascara.

Have a great festive time who and where-ever you are.

Does Santa Clause Exist? - The Engineers Perspective

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, assuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and go to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the 'flying' reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them. Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth II (the ship, not the monarch).
600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance, this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to, well, a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now... or let's say he is suffering from one monstrous headache!

Does Santa Clause Exist? - The Explaination

For those of you who like to continue to believe, I offer the following explanation as a rebuttal to the "Engineer's Perspective"
The secret is that he slows time down for the rest of us, so he can move about freely while most of us are virtually frozen in place. So he can make millions of trips to and from his warehouses to all the kids' homes. He can accomplish this through the use of a little known portion of the general theory of relativity having to do with the relative rotations of electrons at super-cooled temperatures (that's why he has to live at the North Pole, by the way). Santa's elves discovered long ago that when you vibrate super-cooled electrons using loud sounds at a very specific wavelength, they give off special quarks that interact with the neutrinos in the interstellar medium and the aurora borealis (this is, by the way, why Santa has to fly so high in the atmosphere). This causes time to dilate for everyone except Santa and his sleigh (including reindeer), to one billionth of the pace that it normally runs. As it turns out, the specific wavelength of sound that is needed corresponds precisely with the wavelength of the deep bass "HO,HO,HO" which Santa has perfected.
The details of how this works are beyond the scope of this presentation. The reindeer don't actually fly as we normally think of it. Because time is so slowed down around them, they are able to actually attach themselves to clumps of photons that they see moving slowly by. This is, by the way, why they needed Rudolph's bright nose in the classic story. It wasn't just to see; it was also because they needed the light to help them stay aloft. The time dilation factor is the reason why almost no one has actually seen Santa flying by in his sleigh. Clement Moore was able to write his classic poem "A Visit from St. Nick" when an unusual alignments of planets caused the energy from a distant quasar to be focused directly on the grounds surrounding his house in New York at the precise moment when Santa arrived that night back in the 18th century. The energy amplified the time dilation effect that surrounded the sleigh, and expanded it to include the house. For this reason, Moore was able to watch Santa in what he believed was real time. Incidentally, this time dilation effect means that Santa himself spends an incredible amount of his actual time delivering the presents on Christmas Eve. It's not unusual for him to spend years of his own lifetime every Christmas Eve delivering packages. All this effort (plus the energy he expends yelling "HO,HO,HO" every few seconds to maintain the effect) wears him out. Fortunately, Santa pauses every once in a while to rest while delivering presents, and since he spends some of his time with Mrs. Claus he is able to produce descendants. So, each year what you see is a different Santa - the son or grandson of the last year's Santa. That explains why, if you go back to the same department store year after year, Santa sometimes looks a little different (fatter, thinner, glasses, spots of dark hair behind his white beard, etc.) It's really a different Santa every year. In fact, this constant substitution of the new Santa for the old has inspired stories like the comic strip "The Phantom", or the TV show "Lassie,” where they used several generations of look alike dogs. Since I've learned these details, my real concern about Santa has to do with how he will cope in the future when mankind has developed interstellar travel at "relativistic" speeds. No one has ever positively determined whether the time dilation effect he has perfected is cancelled out by the effect of time travel at near light speeds, or whether it is compounded! Obviously, if compounded, he will have no problem travelling all over the galaxy on Christmas Eve (although, obviously, it will take several generations of Santa's to do just one Christmas). If, on the other hand, the effect is cancelled, then Santa would have to actually operate in "real time", which means Christmas would have to be cancelled. I've been working diligently on trying to solve this problem, which explains why I've made so little progress on solving the problems of global warming or world hunger. Anyway, at least for the near future, Santa Claus is definitely coming to town!

A Day In The Life Of ?

I took a trip abroad last week to see one of my customers The Blooper Troopers. They had recently completed an upgrade after a year testing out the new product. And since then we have released another version which they won't move to for some time yet. During my visit, they complained of so many things that I have spent all day today working on fixing these issues for them or seeing if these issue have been resolved in the NOW available release. Of 21 issues, I can't resolve 3, and two others appear to be genuine bugs, so that's not bad. Perhaps they should have waited for the NOW release, rather than being so hasty, hopefully I will finish my testing on Wednesday.

Also went out with 'She Who Must Be Obeyed' last night (Sunday). Linda works for the UK's largest supermarket, and we had her teams Christmas dinner at a hotel near where we live. We went by cab so I could have a drink or seven. Well knowing I would be meeting her insensitive boss and his female underling, Linda asked that I don't be too obviously fem, which I didn't have a problem with, but I did wear my diamante studded thong, and some very festive earrings of Santa. Oh yes, and I slipped on a little sparkly lippy for added effect. Well we had to start the night on the right footing, and had a very large Bacardi and coke before leaving home, then had another 2 in the bar, followed by a jug of some very unusual cocktail that tasted like pernod in an apple flavoured J2O. You got used to it after the first glass.
We had the meal which was pretty good all round, and played some general knowledge quizzes followed by a music quiz, and then some Karaoke, which I managed to avoid since being tone deaf, would not have been much fun for the other punters. Anyway, the boring old farts we had gone with, all left by 10:00, and yet most of them wouldn't be in work until late of not on shift Monday at all.... We stayed till 11:30, and got our cab home again, which was lucky really as my legs were starting to go, and my eyesight was shot to pieces.
Got up this morning, No hangover, just my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, Yuk.

Oh yeah, did you hear the explosion in Hemel Hempstead Saturday morning, Allegedly it has was heard over 150 miles away. We only live about 35 miles from Hemel, and didn't hear a thing. The oil depot is still burning well today, and is expected to be burning for most of this week. They have closed the M1 motorway again this afternoon as they are expecting some more of the tanks to blow this evening.

MEME

Here's a little something I stole from a friend of mine. If you're unfamiliar with a MEME, then basically, its n number of things you can/cant/want to do etc... This is extremely hard, as it can involve an amount of inner searching, and realisation of your own situation. I have trouble with all of these questions, as since my divorce back in 1999, I have become so open about myself, and already realised some of my fantasy's, so to complete 7 things I want to do, is pretty difficult as I have done a lot of them already. As I don't listen to myself, I don't really know what common phrases I say all the time, and to identify 7 things I cant do, well usually if I cant do it, then usually I don't need to be able to do it like laying carpet, I always get the carpet fitter in (much more fun watching somebody else doing it (evil grin).

7 Things I Can Do:

1. Put on a dress and still look like a 'bloke in a dress' to quote Eddie Izzard.


2. Reverse my car into a parking space without hitting anything !


3. Wear high heels and feel good about it.


4. Do-it-yourself maintenance (yes in heels as well).


5. Fall asleep anywhere, anytime (yes, I have fallen asleep in a night club before).


6. Put my foot in my mouth (in both the physical (toes anyway) and metaphorical sense).


7. Paint my nails really well.

7 Things I Can't Do

1. Give birth (I'm a guy after all).


2. Multi-task.


3. Hold my drink, I get drunk after 3 pints of beer, and legless after 4.


4. Remember things, I am memory challenged.


5. Put on mascara, it usually ends up down my cheek or smudged over my eyelid.


6. Ice skate, I have a bad sense of balance.


7. Sing.

7 Things I Constantly Say:

1. Oh bollocks.


2. Whatever.


3. Forget it !


4. I don't remember that !


5. Okey dokey.


6. Sorted.


7. Lovely jubley.

7 Things I'd like to do in my Lifetime:

1. Visit the many exciting places on my travel list.


2. Participate in a group orgy.


3. Be accepted in public when dressed as a woman.


4. Attend the Olympic games - not so much for the sport, more for the atmosphere.


5. Go to a Formula 1 race meeting - Yes I lived in Silverstone for several years and never went.


6. Fly on a supersonic jet.


7. Fly in a hot air balloon.

It Only Takes A Minute

This and the following post have come from my youngest daughter, shes only 14, but so grown up. These are both part of a chain mail which I dont do! its a waste of my time and everybody elses. However on reading the text, I felt it was worth publishing, and so if you wish to re-post, or copy and send around the world, feel free.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

15 Things You Probably Never Knew

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance.

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you


2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.


3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.


4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.


5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.


6. You mean the world to someone.


7. If not for you, someone may not be living.


8. You are special and unique.


9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.


10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.


11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.


12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.


13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.


14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.


15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

General People Descriptions

I got this from a work colleague, really funny. Ever been called any of these, well maybe I haven't, but quite often I feel like number 14.

1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.


2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.


3. A room temperature IQ.


4. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.


5. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.


6. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.


7. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.


8. Bright as Alaska in December.


9. One celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.


10. Donated his body to scientists... Before he was done using it.


11. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.


12. Fell out of the family tree.


13. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.


14. Has two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.


15. He's so dense, light bends around him.


16. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.


17. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.


18. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.


19. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.


20. It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.


21. One neuron short of a synapse.


22. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.


23. Takes him 1.5 hours to watch "60 Minutes".

I did remove a couple as I felt they were too 'other' country originated, as I didn't understand them.. perhaps thats me just being number 17 though !
Enjoy.

A quick catch up

Well it must be 3 weeks since I last posted, and a lots happened since. So lets step back in time a wee bit.........

We went on holiday to Cyprus between 30 October and 6 November, we had a really great time even though the weather was lets say 'changeable' , we had warm days, some rain and lots of strong winds (weather wise, not ME). Anyway, in a previous post I suggested we may have some pictures of me on the beech to show you. Opps. Not so, Wifey was using her new digital camera whilst I was prancing around in a major olympic sized rock pool in just my bikini thong, and the pictures we ended up with were to say, well bit of rock, thumbs and me disappearing from the left side of picture....... She needs more practice, so I have volunteered to pose for her......

On the morning of our flight back, she gives me a major blood vessel burst in the left eye, looked really bad at the time, but is almost gone now. We had to buy a ruck sack to carry all our booze back, and it was whilst I was trying to put this on with wifey's help, that the incident occurred, knocking off my glasses and slicing into my eye.

Since returning from holiday, I spent the first week on a 5 day training course learning a new product, its really cool, but I wont bore you with the details (unless you really ask). Then my colleague at work (we are a team of 2), goes and gets pneumonia and spends several days hospitalized. They tested him for legionaires as he was not presenting the normal symptoms of pneumonia. Thank God he didn't have that. Anyway, he was pumped full of drugs (prescription drugs I add quickly, but I'm sure he would have been happy with some 'blow',), anyway, he is back home now and recovering well, and I'm really pleased for him to be getting over it so quickly, we've chatted a lot, over several days but in short bursts as he gets breathless quickly. So that means I am picking up his workload at the moment as well. Life's getting tougher.......

Then only Wednesday this week, I found my memory stick wouldn't work with my laptop anymore, I was getting distraught as I have some important documents on it which I would hate to loose. Ok all you IT people, I know I should make backups, and I will some day.......Anyway, I plugged the memory stick into my USB hub at home, and the laptop detects it just fine, what a relief.
Anyway, must go for now as much work to do, and have missed lunch to make this post.

Off On Holiday

We're off on holiday to Cyprus tomorrow morning, so today, I have just had a long hot shower and am now completely smooth ready for the beach. I had my laser treatment again last Thursday, so my underarms and chest are completely smooth and hopefully will be forever in another 6 months. I hate body hair, it's the most unattractive part of the body. The only place hair should be is on the head.
We are hoping for a reasonably warm week so we can lounge on the beach in our bikini bottoms or less depending if we find somewhere suitable. I don't want a full tan, I cant do a full tan in a week, it takes me about three weeks to get a decent tanned colour else I burn too quickly.
So hopefully we will have a few pictures of us on the beach that I may share on the blog if Linda Okays them first.
I will report back about our 'holiday from hell' hotel when we get back (If we get back !)

Kinky Boots Review

Yesterday we went and saw the film Kinky Boots. firstly, I had a rare experience, I travelled on a very big bus, something I havent done for over a year. what an experience. We arrived mid afternoon at the cinema for this showing, and the cinema was almost deserted. There were about 12 other people in there, and I think I was the youngest, and Linda the second youngest, It was much like a pensioners day out and I expected toffee rustling denture munching old biddies to be running up and down the isles. Anyway, the film is in my opinion is a good representaiton of a transgendered / crossdressers life, with an exciting spin on how you can actually convert total biggots to accept people who are different. The film is not spectacular, but in my mind its educational and entertaining, and to me thats important in a film. Living here in Northampton, as I do, I was pleased to see that they used more than just the Trickers shoe factory in the film, there are several scenes shot in the market square and elsewhere around the town (some of which I didnt know, but hey, Ive only lived here 5 years). They also spent time in London supposedly, in a drag Queen establishment, and I spent all my time looking to see if I recognised anybody there, and yes, I believe I did recognise a well know Tranny from Northampton who appears in many TV items (television - get your mind out of the gutter please !) .
Linda and I actually met them one night a few years back for a tranny get together, and both Nikki and his wife are very pleasent, but to us it looked like a business and making money, so we havent been back since as it was all very highbrow, nice but a bit pricey.
So if you want a laugh, and want to see what its like to be a tranny, then go see the film, it will open your eyes to many things we have to endure on a personal day to day basis.

The Ideal home Show.

Well Sunday we took a trip into London, and decided to travel on Midland Mainline from Wellingborough, which for a Sunday, costs almost as much per person as traveling during peak time from Milton Keynes. Anyway, after getting over the shock of the prices, we arrived at the show, and on reflection it was OK, nothing special, but we did manage to get loads of free food from the vendors, and from the girls in the main hall entrance, they were giving away boxes of meusli. Not my favorite breakfast cereal, but it will do, so we collected 3 boxes of the stuff during the time we were there.
I had in my mind that the show would have several houses with floor plans and fully furnished houses, but they only had two, one was for carpets, and the other was to try and sell you properties in Spain. but it was a good day all in all.

A funny old week

Well this week has been pretty busy and I have seen some strange stuff. On Monday, I had to drive halfway across the country to Swindon, and spent 2 ½ hours presenting to one of our clients. Tuesday, I spent all day schlepping around London. I was in Bishopsgate in the morning, then walked to Holburn over lunch for my second appointment. On route, I was accosted by several people pushing newspapers, magazines and religious junk mail at me. I took the newspapers as they would be good reading material on the train, and they also have my favourite game 'Soduko' in them, so that would keep me amused on the journey home. Why do they insist on pushing junk at everybody, its such a waste of paper. Also on route, I saw the strangest sight of my life so far…… A very short rotund feller wearing a bright purple leotard, stood on top of a large crate, pushing pretend weight's. What made this sight even worse for me was the fact that he was extremely hairy ALL over. It reminded me of something you would have seen in Barnham's circus way back when, right down t the handle bar moustache. There were several people standing by taking pictures of this very unusual sight. So if you come to London, you must expect the unexpected. Thursday I drove down to the office for my 3 monthly appraisal with the boss, and spent an hour parked on the M40 as there had been a major RTA and the air ambulance needed to land. There was a BMW sandwiched between a couple of trucks, poor sod. That's one of my biggest fears is that I will end up road kill by some foreign truck driver, we have more foreign trucks on our roads now and they are either very tired, just don't see you, or forget they should be driving on the left.
Anyway, I think I have ranted about drivers of various car types before, and I still maintain that Peugeot, BMW and Mercedes drivers are the worst. Anyway, must crack on and get back to work.

I've Been Blogrolled

How wicked, while noseying around the www, I found this site http://www.samanthaburns.com/ which has actually blogrolled me, and she has a pretty damn good site as well.

In Urgent Need Of Cash

Thursday evening, I picked Linda up from work, and then realized I needed some cash for lunch on Friday with my work colleagues. However, this may seem a simple task of stopping at the cash machine and withdrawing the money. In reality, this was a little more difficult as I was fully dressed in a Jean mini skirt, Pink sparkling t-shirt, tights and high heels. Anyway, I really needed the cash, so parked up as near to the cash machine as I could, Waited for the guy who was at the machine to return to his car, then bit the bullet, and exited the car, and walked to the cash machine whilst being very vigilant of anybody within a 1 mile radius of me, and, damn there was a guy heading straight towards me about 100 yards off, and two girls coming at me from the other direction, I was trapped.................So, what do you do. Well I decided I was NOT going to go home without my money, so stayed at the machine, placed my request and received my money. This transaction took what seemed like 20 minutes. Anyway, by now, both the girls and the guy had passed me by, so I was 'safe'. I guess I must have looked the part as they couldn't see my face, and I am a pretty average sized girl with damn good legs 'so I'm told'. Anyway, I turned and walked head held high back to the car, and had to wait beside the car as a bus full of passengers went by, so all in all a very successful trip, and an exhilarating experience. I will have to do it again one day, but not just yet.

A visit to the parents - I'm so Proud of Them

Well, Linda and I went down to see my parents at the weekend, it was my dad's 70 something birthday. Well what do you get for a guy who has everything, and if he finds something new he wants, he just goes out and buys it. A quandry.
So on Sunday morning we got up, I put on my black thin cotton trousers with sparkly tights underneath, 1.5 inch heeled shoes, 1 inch long solid gold earings and white t-shirt with lilac capped sleeves with a shiney lilac motif on the front, and lilac nail varnish, and off we go. We stopped in at Milton Keynes on the way down as we heard they were having a collectors fair. We browsed the stalls, and saw many people dressed up as Superman and trekies etc. so I didnt feel out of placed in my girly get-up. We found a picture of Sir Bobby Moore and the England football team after winning the World cup back in 1966, and inserted in the picture frame were two slides of actual film footage from the game. My dad is a football nut, so this was a must buy for us.

We stopped at the South Mimms services on the M25 for a cup of tea and cake, and I got some serious hard looks from one woman in particular, like she was saying 'who let that out' but I just sat there and raised my pinkie when drinking my tea, so she could see the full effect of the nails (which by the way are very long for a guy).

We arrived at my parents, and I think they were a little suprised by my outfit, but they were very polite and didnt say a thing. I came out to them back in autumn 1998 and was blunty told not to come home dressed. That was a long time ago, and I figured they had seen me in various female clothes, but always the type that left you thinking 'was that a girls top or shoes, or not'

So Sunday, I was full on girly. I have spoken to my mum since, and she hasnt made any untoward comments, so I guess they are OK with it all now. I'm so proud of them for accepting me for who I am, and hopefully they still love me.

If Girls Ruled The World

Well this is how we would interract with our PCs, I prefer a pretty pink blush rather than natural though !

Holiday bookings

Well how misleading can they be. She who must be obeyed, called up a holiday company yesterday to book a holiday we were quite interested in, the flights were from London - Luton, and at midday (I hate early morning flights). Anyway, the brochure on the web said the hotel was in Paphos, and the flight landed at Paphos airport, so that sounded great as I don't like long transfers. So once the boss had given over her card details, the girl said she would call back later after the transaction was complete. Well during this time we did some further research, and found that the hotel was really in Protaras, and that it takes an hour from Larnaka airport to Protaras, so we guessed it would be three hours from Paphos airport. The travel agent girl rang back, and said she thought the hotel was nowhere near Paphos, and we told her that we also believed this to be the case, so ended up booking another hotel, but this time we WILL be in Paphos, right on the harbour front (hopefully not in a cardboard box). So what out Cyprus, "girls on tour next month".

Only Genuine Posts Please !!!!

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. I am so sorry, but I love to have people post here, but I seem to be getting a bit of spam posting going on, so I have had to add 'word verification' to any posts you may leave, don't worry, its very simple to use, you are presented with a series of letters that you need to type into a special box when you publish your post. Simple. This should stop the spammers.
for all of you already on your weekends, enjoy. For those of us about to have our weekend, enjoy.

supercalifrgilisticexpialidocious

Well on Tuesday evening Linda and I went up to London (strange expression that since is down the country - but never mind), we arrived in Soho close by the Prince Edward Theatre, Old Compton Street. We were a little early, so went and had a soft drink and slice of cake each, well yes I was gob smacked, two drinks and two slices of cake = £15:00, talk about rip off !!!!!, anyway, after that we wandered around Soho and well, it was very prominently male gays hanging around the pubs, some very cute guys around and about. Anyway I digress, We went into the theatre, and took our seats, FRONT row, looking straight into the orchestra pit, and then the show started. I'm not that much of a musicals person, but this show was absolutely fantastic. Mary P is a real stunner, and was projected across the audience on wires right up into the roof of the playhouse. The music was fantastic and bought back many childhood memories of watching the film on TV. This is a must see musical. You can find out more from the website http://www.marypoppinsthemusical.co.uk/ and ensure you have your speakers turned on ! Marry P was played by Laura Michelle Kelly, and they have a complete bio on here and the other stars such as David Haig (of the Thin Blue Line) playing Mr. Banks, and Gavin Lee who plays 'Bert' in this musical.

Test using Blogger for Word

Test using Blogger for Word.

Well I'm typing this blog test in MS Word, and have added a small picture to see what happens

Update - OK so the word plug-in doesnt deal with pictures, only text, never mind, no real problem there.

City Of The Dead - Critique

Oh my good, it may have been 4am when I watched this film, but how dreadful can it get, well if you really want to know, go by this rubbish, fortunately I bought it from a cheap shop and it only cost me £1.50 for the DVD, but from a label that claims to be 23rd Century, I think the film was made in the 1970's, the quality is poor and it was very dull, I had to up the brightness on my TV to be able to watch any of it. The acting is so wooden that I expected Aunt sally to pop out of the cupboard. There is a remote story line, but for a certificate 18 horror film, the Omen series are much more frightening. Me being me, I am not keen on horror films, and have never managed to watch the Omen straight through, and come to it, I had to video the original Alien film and watched it over many nights to see the complete film, and it was only in the past few years, that I have been able to watch the film in one sitting. So this film didn't even have me ducking for cover, or peeping through my fingers like I do when watching Holby or Casualty. So basically, in my humble opinion, it was total trash, poor quality, just like a 1970's porn, but without the nudity.

Today its 4am

Well, its now 4am, and yes I'm here posting on the blog, I've been awake since 2:30 and decided its now time to get up, have a cup of tea and a couple of Jaffa cakes, and watch some TV, nothing on, but MotorSport Mundial, and wheres the bloody cars, its showing baseball !!!!!!!!!!!! Yuk. It looks like Major League Baseball is over running, so the sooner that finishes the better, dead boring, May even send me back to sleep though.

Also, for the first time in over 20 years, I had a migrane last night, I was trying to watch 'Waking the Dead', and ended up turning the lights off and the sound down, covered my head with a pillow, took a headache pill and eventually fell into a light sleep. Went to bed at 10:00pm and buried my head under the pillow feeling sick and achy with neck pains. Must have dropped off real quick, as I dont remember much after falling into bed.

During the day we had been to Barnwell Country Park near Oundle, its a very nice park with 3 walks lasting from 15 mins to 45 mins each. We did the longest 45 minute walk that was about a mile long, this follows some of the river Nene, which was remarkably crystal clear with some large fish in it. We then did the short walk through the lakes which takes 15 minutes, which was picturesque with Canada Geese and many swans and cygnets. It was a relaxing day, and just what I needed to help me relax after the mental turmoil that calls itself my life over the past several months.

Oh well its 4:30am and it doesnt look like the baseball is going to finish, so have put on a DVD 'City of the Living Dead', and see what thats all about, its rated 18, but then I've seen porn rated at 18, that had censorship all over the good bits, and was cut away everytime the woman went down on the man, so real boring stuff.

Watch this space for the film update later today.

Re - President Bush Jnr. - I think

Well I found this small snippet if info on the web today, They say gay guys can detect each other using an inbuilt sense known as 'Gaydar', Well, I had suspected Mr Bush Jnr, was a little different to most when I first say him on the Telly several years ago, and this document sort of backs up my thoughts.

go have a read : here

I'm on a roll today, thats 3 posts in one day !

Which Football Team Do You Support ?

Well this is a question I get asked sometimes when working, as I travel the country meeting many different people, they are naturally inquisitive of sport, and for me 'support' is not in the full on sense of the word, When I was a teenager (many moons ago), I used to support Chelmsford City avidly, but then as I grew older, I drifted away from sport, but since 1969 I have been a supporter of Leeds United and West Ham (and still am), I have also supported Luton Town, West Bromich Albion and Ajax (from Holland) and still follow the results with interest. The last three I follow mainly because I liked the colour of their football strips, being all white (Leeds). Claret and blue (West Ham). Orange (Luton). Black and White stripes (West Brom). Orange stripe (Ajax).

So there you have it, and for any Americans, I have been talking about Soccer ! The Glorious Game played the World over (not like your World Series) !!!!!!

Its 3 in the Morning

sounds like a song to me (also a touch of Deja Vous!) Oh well, its now 3am, and I'm awake, yes the IBS has had its revenge, I deliberately had a large quantity of cheese last night, as I love the occassional pizza and cheese on crackers, and have recently had small amounts of cheese with some effect on me, and really needed to nail this one to see if its something I need to avoid, or something I can tollerate, Well, cheese is definately a cause for concern, Not the rolling around the floor sort, but just very bad pains that wake you up, and guess who was in my head when i woke up ?, Katie Melua singing 9 million bicycles. Its a song that I have heard quiet a lot recently, and I find it quite moving and haunting in a strange sort of way. Anyway, I've now taken my pills, so must go back to bed and see if I can sleep the rest of the night,

Hey ho, so thats two of my favorite foods ruled out for sure, (Cheese and Cucumber).

Night, Night, sleep tight etc..

oh bugger, its 5am, and still not gone back to sleep, whoops, its now 7:30am, must get up, so what happened, Dooh, I must have dropped off...... at last. Thank God its the weekend, I can take a slow day, and maybe a sleeping pill tonight to ensure I sleep right through.

New Blinkies

I found these things called 'blinkies', and have added some 'blinkies' to the site, you can see the new - Bi-sexual and cross dresser blinkies. Well I never knew such a thing existed, but think they look pretty cool !

I will be hunting the web now for more, and will post any that I feel are suitable for my little world, when I find them.
just key the word blinkie into google, and you will find loads of sites. I found one http://clik.to/pinkyblinkiethat has hundreds of really cool blinkies from simple to very complex, and all sorted by themes, and TV programs etc....

Petrol Shortage ?

Well, I do many thousands of miles a year, much more than your average driver of 12,000 miles, I can rack up over 30,000 in a year, and so another impending fuel shortgage is not good news for me. To top it all I also dislike queueing. so when I see on the news last night about panic buying, I feel a little depressed that people are so stupid that they cant just go about business as usual since this round of protests is supposed to be peaceful and NOT stopping the fuel tankers from leaving the fuel depots. So, as the news reported Northampton as having queues, I decided to go out at 23:15 last night, only to find four local supermaket filling stations had run dry, a Shell station was still open but with long queues back onto the main road, so I continued my search for fuel, going across town to another 'local' Tesco, and find this one is still open with limited pumps working, but fortunatley, I drive straight upto the card payment only pump and fill up and be gone within 10 minutes (yes I was runing close to empty), everybody else seemed intent to join the queues to fill up, then go instore to pay for fuel by card, Dooh !!!!
Lets hope the supply keeps coming, as I will nbeed to fill up again at the weekend !

Back from holiday

Well folks, we have returned from the land of the almighty. Yes the burgers and serving portions are bigger than anything you can imagine, we ended up buying 2 meals for breakfast bewteen 4 of us, and were only getting peckish late afternoon, so yes everything is enormous. Mickey and friends are doing well and enjoying themselves in the magic kingdom.

We're Away, Yippie !!

At long last, we are away on holiday for a few weeks, going off to sunny Orlando to see Mickey and his friends, but hopefully not any of those nasty alligators (well except those at Gatorland perhaps). We have rented a town house and hired a large car and as they only drive automatics, I can see me having some issues when I get back to drive my 'stick shift' (manual) car, and also having to deal with round a bouts agian.

This blog wont be updated for a while, the misses wont take too kindy to me being in an internet cafe doing blog stuff, when I should be relaxing. So. sun lounger and large Bacardi and coke, here I come.

I will update again once I am home, and tell ya'll what we did.

Film Editor Extraordinaire

Well this afternoon, I have been editing my video footage of the Silverstone Classic Cars of last weekend, its nothing special you understand, but does serve to preserve the memories of that fantastic day. Yes at my great age, the memory needs all the help it can get, just wish I could use the excuse some of my friends have, in that it was from doing too much 'blow' when I was younger !
Anyway, I must go and do the shopping whilst the PC is processing all that footage and burning the DVD.

Silverstone 31st July 2005 - Classic Cars Event

Well we went to Slverstone and saw all the old classic racers last weekend. A great day out, and even caught a little sun, well probably wind more than sun. I came home a little on the red side, never go brown straight off, its always red, then it falls off and I'm back to white again.

The programme of races included:
1. FIA Grand Prix Cars World Championship featuring Ferrari, Lotus, Williams, Tyrell, Brabham, McLaren, Arrows, Cooper, March and more.
2. Group C Sportscars from the world of Le Mans. The race will include cars from Jaguar, Porsche, Aston Martin, Ford, Chevrolet and more.
3. BRDC 500 - A special recreation of the original BRDC 500 Mile Race for pre-war sportcars.
4. BRDC Historic Sportscar Championship for 1950's and 1960's cars including Jaguar, Maserati, Cooper, Lotus, Lister and Lola.
5. HGPCA Grand Prix Cars - Cars from 1930's to 1960's front engine Grand Prix cars from Alfa Romeo, Bugatti, Maserati, Ferrari, and many more.
6. Grand Prix Masters Formula One - A unique assembly of 1966 to 1978 Grand Prix cars from Williams, BRM, McLaren, Hesketh, Wolf, Surtees and many more.

I have some video of the day which I am in the process of editing, not sure what it will look like, those cars go pretty damn fast so it will possibly just be all blurred.

What the fuck is going on !

Only an hour ago I heard that London has again been bombed by 4 bombers on a bus and the tubes. God am I lucky that I didn't go to London today, I was fortunate that I was working from home, but have friends who either were/are in London or had planned to go there today. Thank God they are all safe and fine. This chain of events reminds me so much of the 1970's with the IRA, but now it feels so personal as I have cause to travel to London often whereas in the 70's I was still at school and had no reason to go there. Also I am seriously beginning to understand how it must be to live in Israel, a country I have enjoyed on more than 12 occasions in the last 6 years, and have seen the devastation there first hand as well, but again fortunately, I was never present when anything happened and I must applaud the Israel's for the way they handle these situations as now they have guards on every shopping center and resterant which makes you feel safer, and is more difficult for a bomber to cause serious harm. I read about a year ago in the Jerusalem Post, that the busses would all be fitted with an 'air sniffing' device that could detect particles of explosive if somebody boarded the bus carrying any device. At the time, I found this quite abhorrent that any country should have to go to such extremes to protect the population, but now I am definitely getting into the mindest that perhaps we should have such things on the busses, tubes and airports to protect not only our UK citizens, but also our very precious visitors.

My Trip To London

Well folks, I made my trip to London on Monday, just days after the mindless morons bombed the place. My train arrived at Euston Station just after 7am, this is the next stop from Kings Cross/St. Pancras where the worst damage was done. I was wearing my iPOD shuffle with my favorite tunes on by a group called Klaatu (never heard of them I hear you say), well they are a group from the late 70's, and it was rumoured they were the Beatles experimenting with music, its different, very melodious, and at times very rocky, they arnt the Beatles, to read more, goto "http://www.klaatu.org/" (can be found on my sidebar), so go buy / download some...... Anyway, the iPOD (we acquired that by dodgy means, and I cant tell you about that, cause I might get in big trouble). So singing my songs in my head, I got on the tube to Bank, and as we passed King's Cross (didnt stop as it was still closed), I looked out of the window I suppose a bit ghoulish of me, and most of the station was boarded up, but a couple of interconnecting tunnels were only blocked by fencing, and they showed the devastation that was done, its a bloddy mess down there, that shook me up a bit, thinking I had only been on this route the previous Wednesday and Thursday, so had the bombs gone of 1 week earlier, it could have been me......
So as we continued out of the station, the music came back to me, and I happily sang along in my head (you do not want to hear me sing - really). When I got out at Bank, the streets were not particulally busy, and the niose level was quiet by normal comparison, I just couldnt believe how somber the City was.

After my appointment, I made it back to Euston, and found myself with 40 minutes to spare, and if you know the area, Transformations shop is litterally just around the corner in Eversholt street. So I decided to head there to browse the store. I still had the iPOD playing, and found myself bopping away as I strolled the street, and must have looked real funny, with my laptop bag swinging from side to side as I wiggled my ass along the road. so if your in London, and see a girly looking bloke carrying a laptop with an iPOD shuffle playing away, and wiggling his ass, please say hello and mention you read my blog. It will most dcertainly be me.

A Sad Day for The UK And The World In General

Mindless MORON's strike at the heart of the British people, if you haven't been living on this planet for the past 48 hours, you may not be aware that London was bombed numerous times within an hour, all during peak morning rush hour. The London tube was disabled and a bus blown apart, this devastation is reputed to have killed some 40 people but the final toll will be somewhat higher.
What drives a person to do such things, I remember in my youth (only just as old age is taking over fast), getting angry and occasionally violent, but I could never bring myself to inflict such injuries and death on anyone, regardless of age, race, colour, religion, gender or for any other reason.
I felt very emotional yesterday because of this atrocious act, and at times had trouble talking about it, I still do today, and I guess I will do for several days to come. Monday I have to travel to London and do a presentation in the heart of this atrocity, I have to be with the customer by 09:00 and so will be traveling with many of the people this terrorist act affected directly. Yes I will be very nervous of this trip, but also I will be VERY proud to be standing up against the terrorists. They WILL NOT get away with this, they will not bring the UK down, we are strong and resourceful, we will hunt you down wherever you are.

London Wins Olympics 2012

Well Done London, a superb bid, and much regeneration of some very run down parts of London, and boy should I know about that. Now we have the chance to show the world how we can organise this world class event. I look forward to going to see some of the games, no idea which ones yet, but I will be there just for the experience if nothing else. This should be a fantastic time for all who attend. You never know, I might just see about becomming a volunteer and be able to get into the games for free, now theres an idea if ever I had one.
A very close fought race with the French, Spanish, Russians and Americans, but true British grit and determination wins the day.......

Children, who'd have them ?

Well some time ago I reported I was possibly going to be a grandad. well unbeknown to me, the 'alledged' baby had been lost more or less as soon as it was supposedly conceived, so that was a major relief that I was only going to be a plain simple 'old git' and not a grandad.

Then earlier this week, my son comes to live with me to escape his 'bunny boiling' girlfriend. Who we find out now is alledged to be pregnent again. So we have had fun and games this week and lots of stress, and maybe I will be a grandad after all (damn, I 'm still not old enough to be a grandad but never mind).

On the home front. Our old neighbour moved out and we have a new young couple moved in yesterday, and we have yet to see them to speak to. Last night Linda dyed my hair. Naturally, I am dark brown, and we used a medium gold blonde. It has lightened my colour a bit but nothing too noticable yet until the sun gets on it (if summer ever arrives in this country).

I hate brick-laying

Well, I've been in the garden this morning laying bricks to build a small wall. I hate brick laying, but if theres something I hate more, its platering. Anyway, its a good job the wall is only 3 bricks high as its got a bit of a lean on it, but at least its in a straight line length wise. Builders bum ? well, my summer shorts are the type that do slip down quite easily, and did reveal my black thing to the world, but then I was in the back garden so didnt really care, and hey-ho, if I was in the front garden, I wouldnt care either. My body, look if you want..... but dont critisize my underwear.
Anyway, as its 28 degrees outside, I'm off to sun myself in my nice white bikini thong.
Fanatise all you like readers.

Laser hair removal

Ouch Ouch Ouch, I had a test patch done 2 weeks ago, and that didnt hurt. However, I had the full treatment this morning, and that was pretty painful, but hopefully will be worth it. Only 5 more expected treatments to be hair free under the arms.
Update.
The pain subsidded by late afternoon, and all that was left were very warm armpits, by the next morning, everything was back to normal (minus hair), and now feeling absolutley fine and dandy.
Looking forwards to the next treatment in about 6 weeks.

Su-doku

Well if any of you play number games, you may have heard of Su-doku, its prtty simple to understand, and if you go to the link on my page, you can play all day on dynamically created games. Its a craze that is curenty sweeping the UK, and its also good for the brain. So give it a try and see.

6th Acupuncture day

Well sorry for not posting for a while, its been a bit hectic here what with work and a long weekend away.
so what a bummer, back to work today, and I had my 6th acupuncture this morning, he insisted on putting needles in my head to help with the stress !!!!!!!!!. Well, that just made me feel even more stressed at the thought, but I buckled to his superiour knowledge, and let him do it, I had 3 needles in my forehead, and one each side just behind the temple. Other needles placed in the elbows and hands, 3 in each leg, and the remainder in the stomach. 18 in all this time, so I have left it until after lunch to have a drink, just in case I leak everywhere.

I had another first today, tried Humos, a red pepper and garlic flavour, not too bad, tried it with bread, suspect it might be better with other things, so will rummage through the cupboards later.

While we were away, Linda and I went out in the evenings to eat at local eating houses, I am laways 'dressed' when not at work, nothing to obvious, but on the Sunday evening, we went up Colchester's North hill, and I was wearing nice brown trousers, multi-coloured blouse, shoes with 1.5 inch heels (thats about 40mm for any Europeans), I had a small amount of make-up, natural lippy, pale blue eyeshadow, and 4 earrings. Some teenage girls at the bottom of the hill spotted I was a bit different, and shouted 'he's a tranny', they also had 2 older boys with them, who started to shout them down, so I guess the girls felt a bit silly after that as they had shown themsleves up to be very immature. Hey-ho, the things one has to do to educate the kids today. We had a very nice Thai meal after that.

On Monday, we went to the local nudist beach, very cold, very messy with old rubbish and stoney. Even so, i walked the beach in my bikini thong, then stripped completely and went for a swim in the freezing cold sea. very invigurating it was too (know what I mean) but the sense of freedom was amazing. When the weather is a bit warmer, I will be doing this again, but on a more sandy and clean beach.

3rd Acupuncture Treatment

Well good news. I found my missing earring, it was at the acupuncture studio. Bad news is that I ate duck last night and was not very well. and more bad news, they gave me another 7 packets of the 'loverly' herbal drink....................... yuk.
To cheer myself up after that bad news, I bought 8 Cd's of the following:
Queen - live at Wembly.
Queen - Jazz
Hocus Pocus - Best of - dont say youv'e never heard of them if your over 30.
Bachman Turner Overdrive - Greatest, comment as above
Supertramp - V Best of
Little Feat - Feats dont fail me now ! - specialised music
Tubes - What do you want form live! - 70's US punk band, very outragious nudity on stage etc....
Kaiser Chiefs - Employment - if your over 30, youv'e possibly never heard of them, go listern, there great.

Also I have lost a bit of weight over the past 3 weeks, I've dropped from a size 14 to 12, and now need to buy myself a new skirt, (only the one, just incase the weight starts to come back), so on Monday, Linda and I will be out shopping yet again. deep joy, what style should I buy?, well it will be short as I have been told by many people that I have good legs, so it will be well above the knee.

I will keep you posted once I've bought it.

Eurovision Farce

Well did you watch the Eurovision contest. I managed to watch the first few entries, but got board very quickly. I didnt play my game as I wasnt in the mood for drinking. Anyway, I saw the Israeli entry of the Abba tribute (hot totty), and just caught the UK entry of the Beyonce wannabe.

So what was that wooden pair doing presenting the show. talk about Bill and Ben, and what was she wearing, some bloody ball gown I wonder,

And then there was the voting.
so how come the 3 biggest contributers to Eurovision end up the bottom three in the contest, and the UK get a lowly 18 points.......

Anyway, well done Greece, Helena, i love your eyebrows. (I dont suppose she will be reading my blog, but hey, who knows), and the songs not bad either.

2nd Acupuncture Treatment

Well, I went for my second acupuncture treatment this morning, and this time I was given 15 needles (Last time it was only 12). Some again inserted in my stomach, others in my elbows, knees, calves and ankles. This time I had to remove my trousers and sock, so he was a bit shocked to see my shaven legs, white silky panties and painted toe nails. This time the treatment only lasted 30 minutes, but I still had numb arms and legs, but they soon recovered. The guy gave me a massage, but this time, did my arms, legs and head. I have also lost one of my earrings so am hoping it fell out when he did the head massage, and so it may be still lying on the bed under his pillow. I will have to remember to ask whenI go back next Friday.
so next exciting episode is due on the 27th. The Chinese herbal medicine doesn't taste any better, and I really hate to drink it, but as they say, 'If it tastes bad, then it will do you some good'. So I am going to stick with it and hope I dont get too depressed over it. This afternoon I am feeleing pretty good, with little or no pains, but have reduced my food intake and am sticking to food I know shouldn't cause me a problem.

A Series of First's Last Night

Well, yesterday I had five first time experiences, but only four that I will publish here. Three in town, and then we went out last night to the theatre, and I had two more (or one publishable).

1. I had accupuntcture to try and find a remedy for my IBS. Very strange experience, and I need a few more treatments (6 in total).
2. I had a head massage after the accupuncture, this was mainly to bring me back to life again as my arms and legs had gone to sleep during the 40 minutes treatment.
3. I am taking Chinese Herbal medicine, that is made of what look like very old pieces of tree bark, dried up mushrooms and all sorts of other crap, its the worst tatsing stuff I've ever had.

At the Milton Keynes theatre while watching Miss Saigon:
4. I had honey and Ginger ice cream, yes, I found it very nice.
5. whilst sat in the theatre just after the intermission - go dream.....

oh deep joy.

Did You Know

Well folks, today is Homer Simpsons birthday, he is 36, the same age he has always been. also it is Bono of U2's birthdays, so happy birthday boys.

My Food Analysis Results

Due to my suspected IBS, I had an independent food analysis performed, and here are the results.

Sensitive foods are:
Blackberries Not too keen - don't eat them
Butter Usually have marg anyway
Cherries Not too keen - don't eat them
Cranberries Not too keen - don't eat them
Cress what's that about, nothing in cress !
Duck Love duck
Kiwis Not too keen - don't eat them
Grapefruit Not too keen - don't eat them
White Grapes Love grapes
Halibut Love fish
Lobster Love it when I can afford it
Mushrooms Damn - Love them
Green Olives Hate them - don't eat them
Oyster Never eaten one
Peanuts Damn - Love them
Peppermint oil Indifferent
Pineapple Damn - Love them
Raisins Damn - Love them
Sole I love fish
Spinach Shame - I like it, but don't eat it often
Tea Damn - the only thing I drink except hot chocolate and alcohol !
Turnip Not a problem - can live without it
Clear Vinegar Not a problem - can live without it
Walnuts Hate them - haven't eaten one since I was in junior school
Watermellons Not too keen - last resort food for me

funny though, at the end of the report, this statement sort of upset me. (yes I'm the sensitive type) OK so I balled my eyes out, I was having a bad day !!!!!!
'Interestingly you showed up as having more foods to avoid than most people we test'.

In my analysis of what I eat, currently I am never going to be able to eat the following:
Cucumber
Pork pies
Sausage Rolls
Scotch eggs - see a theme here, Pork maybe.
Cheese
Peanuts / nuts

So I start to think 'what do the experts know' ?

I will keep you all updated as I discover more 'bad' foods.

Its been a week or so.

Well, if you read my blog, you will see that I have been abscent for the past week, I had a hastily arranged business trip to Israel, only for a couple of days, but if you want my advice, dont take the overnight flight, its a killer if you have to work the whole next day. You arrive at 5:30am, takes about an hour to get through immigration etc, then locate your office. by lunchtime I was knackered, I was involved in a 2 day brainstorming session, come 3pm, I was dead in my seat. I had a very enjoyable evening, and a really good sleep. Day 2 was fine as I was fully awake again, until I was asked to explain some of the points I had made the previous day, and I had to admit to the group that i had no recollection of the previous afternoon. how embarrasing, but they saw the funny side of it thankfully.

Eurovision Drinking Game

Well folks, as you may be aware, EuroVision is creeping up on us yet again, so I thought we could all play this little game on Euro night, Thats 21st May 2005.


EuroVision Drinking Game.

Drink two fingers if : Presenters ...
Terry Wogan makes a satorical comment that no-one laughs at.
Presenters try to be funny.
Female presenter changes her dress
Male presenter changes his dress - drain your glass
Bad time delays during video/audio link
Presenters overlapping with voter during video/audio link because of the bad delay
Presenters having a time-wasting conversation that no-one can follow, understand or care less about.
Terry Wogan's predictions come true.
-----------------------------------------------------

Drink two fingers if : Performers ...
Performer resembles someone you know.
Performer resembles another famous person. Drink four fingers if that person is present in the audience. Drain your glass if the camera zooms in and lingers on that person.
Singers wave their arms around whilst singing.
Singers put excessive emotion into their singing.
Tacky and nonsensical song titles (shoo-wop etc.)
Main singer is grossly overweight.
Singers try to join in with musicians during instrumentals.
France does not conduct a musical experiment.
Retro/out-of-date clothing and hairstyles.
Singer from eastern Europe has faked blond hair.
Bad dress-sense. Four fingers if it's blatently offensive.
Visible/prominant nipples/genitalia.
The Maltese performer does not have a hairy chest.
High & loud obnoxious noises emitted from singer during their act.
Unnecessary dancing.
Act steals ideas from Eurovision acts from previous years
Interaction with the audience. Four fingers if the audience is unusually passive.
Dancing that surpasses belief and credibility.
Foreign acts sing in English.
Singer flirts with the camera when she has finished her song.
The song goes up half an octave in the last refrain.
A style of music that would be ruined by appearing in EuroSong.
A country from Former Yugoslavia has a depressing song.
Countries where the lead singer is not a native of that country.
-----------------------------------------------------

Drink two fingers if : The judging
Reference made to Norway's null point.
Cyprus gives Greece 12 points.
Every time Norway gives Sweden any points but not vice-versa.
Every time there is an Irish performer in a foreign act.
France gives United Kingdom null point.
Acts where the lead singer is attractive and receive high (8+) points and the act is crap.
Surprising voting - you judge what's surprising!
United Kingdom come second.
Ireland win yet again.
A question about Israel's presence.
Politically-related effects during the act (eg. Croatian singer removing black gown to reveal white dress signifying "coming out of the darkness and into the light").
Acts are on their mobile phone to their family during voting. Increase to a whopping four fingers if they're on the phone during their act.
-----------------------------------------------------

Drink two fingers if : Television coverage & venue
Bad telecommunications link.
Preview video is completely pointless and/or a blatant fragmented tourist advert for the host country
Preview video is full of gormless smiles.
National symbols are seen somewhere.
-----------------------------------------------------

Drink two fingers if : Special effects are
Cheesy
Better than the song
Both (obviously this is a case for four fingers' worth)
-----------------------------------------------------

Drain your glass if ...
If the winning country decline to hold the event next year due to:
Financial reasons
Political reasons
Personal reasons
Moral reasons
All of the above
If Germany spares one single point for her southern neighbour, Austria.
If your own country comes first.
If Norway does not give Sweden any points.
Drink everything in sight if the United Kingdom come first and you're British.
If Greece gives Turkey any points then stop drinking!. This is very unlikely to happen so you must be veeeeeery drunk at this time. GO TO BED.
Germany's song does not mention peace, harmony or love...

Well, you can never have too many shoes, and here is my newest pair of shoes, they cost me a massive £5, they are the most comfortable pair of shoes I have owned in a long time. These 3inch heels feel so natural when I wear them, so much so, that I have been shopping in them twice in three days, I spent all night in a restaurant wearing them, and I am off food shopping tonight wearing them.

To go Kosha or not !

Well, I'm sure your all interested, but due to my stomach compliant, my diet has been serverly resticted to mainly chicken and fish. Yesterday, I had my first apple of the year, and Yo, it looks like fruit is OK for me. I dont like much fruit, but at least I can now eat Apples, Pears and Banana's. I also had chocolate coated nuts again last night, and that is a big no no. Lots of grief after that. So this morning I took a tablet to calm things down, and am again feeling fine. So lets get back into the hell hole, so for lunch I have just eaten a sausage roll. I expect to be in pain later this evening, and if thats the case, then I might as well turn Jewish, (Hey, I'm halfway there anyway !) and eat only Kosha food.

*** Update ***
This afternoon, I ate my last ever sausage roll. - Sausage rolls are off the menu

Holy Mother Of God

AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGH

Shock Horror

Al Yankovic - Truck Drivin' Song

Heres the lyrics of an excellent song. Unfortunatley, I only drive a Ford Focus, but hey ho.

I'm drivin' a truckDriving a big ol' truck
Pedal to the metal, hope I don't run out of luck
Rollin' down the highway until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on

My diesel rig is northward bound
It's time to put that hammer down
Just watchin' as the miles go flyin' by
I'm ridin' twenty tons of steel
But it's sure hard to hold the wheel
While I'm still waiting for my nails to dry

Oh, I always gotta check my lipstick in that rear view mirror
And my pink angora sweater fits so tight
I'm jammin' gears and haulin' freight
Well, I sure hope my seams are straight
Lord, don't let my mascara run tonight

Because I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a big ol' truck
Smokey's on my tail and my accelerator's stuck
Got these eighteen wheels a-rollin' until the break of dawn
Drivin' a truck with my high heels on

Oh, I don't mind when my crotchless panties creep right up on me
And my nipple rings don't bother me too much
But when I hit those big speed bumps
My darling little rhinestone pumps
Keep slippin' off the mother-lovin' clutch

But still I'm drivin' a truck Drivin' a big ol' truck
Headin' down the interstate, just tryin' to make a buck
Wearin' feather boas with sequins and chiffon
While I'm drivin' a truck with my high heels on

But still I'm drivin' a truck
Drivin' a truck
Got a load to carry and some eyebrows left to pluck
And I'm late for my appointment down at the hair salon
So I'll be drivin' a truck with my high heels on

Visit Dilbert

I am no HTML bod, I have now found out how to add a new link and I also managed also to get it to pop open a new window..... So folks, you can now go from my blog, and visit the infamous Dilbert just by clicking the link.

Watch this space, I may even be able to figure out how to add 'powered by' style buttons by next year, and create blogrolls whatever they may be, so I may even be able to sell my skills if I get made redundant next year. Watch out world 'Little Miss' is on a roll......and I have a dummies guide to HTML, so heaven help us !

About Graham/Michelle

Well its 4am, and I cant sleep tonight, so I thought I would write a little note for ya'll
So here are a few things about Graham & Michelle
Our favorite colour is Lilac.
We love to sing, but are tone deaf.
We have 2 tattoo's - A snake on the left shoulder and Graham's custom design on our butt.
We are naturally pretty smooth with a few exceptions, unwanted hair gets removed regularly.
We have 5 ear peicings, a pretty belly bar and 1 more piercing somewhere else.
Graham's favorite song is 'Freebird' by Lynyrd Skynyrd.
Michelle's favorite song is 'Man I Feel Like A Woman' by Shania Twain.
The most amazing experince ever, was seeing all 3 of my children born (happily this was not all at the same time, and the total emotional overload that then flooded over me for the next day or so. Only to be bought back down to earth once the 'family' returned home and the long nights of nappy changing and breast feeding (my ex wife, not me).

Project Eden Garden

Well at long last we decided what to do with our back garden, We dont want to spend too much, as its not in bad condition, we just want to tart it up until we move. So down to the garden center we trotted on Sunday, and found a couple of old railway sleepers, and some fence panels. We have them being delivered Tuesday, and I am hoping for some gorgeous hunk to man handle our goods from his lorry. Have you ever tried to pick up an 8 foot long, 10 inch by 8 inch railway sleeper........... So I am sat here ready for him, nails nicely done, lippy on, and expectations very high.
Update....
Well that was a major disappointment - good looking NOT. Even the goods I ordered were different to what was delivered so most of it has gone back, and am now awaiting a second delivery.

Good Friends NOT

Well, a long trip up North yesterday, I had to meet with the folks at the highly succesfull business consortium, and ended up having a very intimate meeting with Gods right hand man and his three stooges, where he stressed how important it was that I (yes ME) resolve his issues TODAY. Bloody cheek. So with no pressure, I simply told him he was running software that was 3 years out of date, and out of support to boot....... This sort of levelled the playing field a bit... So eventually managed to get out just before 5pm, only to drive back the 120 miles to pickup my ankle biters, but I was 1.5 hours late for that due to being held by my naggers at the consortuim building until we could do no more to help. (wont know until Saturday if my recommendations have cured the problem). So driving back down the M1 (Englands major autoroute), the speed limit is 70MPH (sorry to any non Brit reading this, I think thats about 100KPH), I needed to cover a lot of ground quickly, so my little Focus was being thrassed along the M1 at 105MPH (~160KPH), and then there was a delay for 6 junctions due to some idiots not paying attention so this held me up by about 45minutes (no I wasnt involved - but just call me Michael Schumacker) . anyway, called kids, told them to eat before I picked them up. so no real issues.

The weekend is now here, and I've got my personal time, so those at the big house cant touch me today.... freedom and back to my personal time and my day dreams...................................

bye for now y'all.

Busy day

Oh a very busy day today, I thought I had it all done by lunchtime, but then spent all afternoon on the phone with various customers of the big house. Since the lay-offs many of their regular contacts have dissappeared, and its left to little old me to pick up the pieces. So after 4 conference calls and many emails, I ended it all at 18:45 as she who must be obeyed needed picking up from work. then she's off out gallivanting in town tonight, so back to work then. I was hopeing for an easier day tommorow by actually going to the big house, (only a 2 hour drive) but I have now been requested to drive to the other end of the country to help some poor customer out with an issue. Never mind, as long as I get home for tea time to pick up my ankle biters for the weekend. I am now drinking about 2 litres of water a day, dont like the plain stuff so have gone for flavoured, its not quite so bad, I suppose it does the same thing (but still not as good as a bacardi). They both make me pee loads. Hopefully this will help me to not get cramp so often.
I must confess, I wasnt sure these blog things would be much good, but hey, you can rant all you like and nobody can do anything about it. This will save Linda from being bombarded by my anal discussions of my day. I must say a big thank you Debbie for introducing me to this technology......

And dont you hate Peugeot and BMW drivers, they are the worst. Tonight we had a right dipstick reverse his BMW X5 into the mainstream traffic, so I swerved to go around him, and the stupid sod floors it and honks me!!!! The most careing and safe driver going....

so lets now see what tomorrow brings.

This is little miss signing off. nanoo nanoo

Oh what a rollercoaster week

Well its been one hell of a week, but at the 'big house' we are having layoffs, and my boss has been just one casualty. I am hoping I will still be employed by the end of the week.

Sunday after being on some sort of astral plane, more like a rabbit on speed bouncing off the walls on Friday and Saturday, I crashed and burned big time on Sunday, a very emotional day, so for you guys who think it is sissy to cry, let me tell you, it isnt, you get more affection from the misses when you do it.. Monday it was made official about the layoffs at the big house, but we should try and keep focused, and I keep going through the logic of why they shouldn't choose me (basically I have to work six days a week to keep on top of it all) so in some weird way it might be a blessing if they did chop me. But hey ho, somebody has to pay the mortgage.
Tonight, I found out from a good girl friend at work, that the axe has finished falling in our little part of the big house, and that we still have a job, Thank you Lord........ Perhaps normal service can once again resume. and its only Wednesday......

Late last night I got a call from one of the managers at the big house, he told me what my friend had said, so basically, I am still in gainfull employ. Yippie. So lets get out the Bacardi and Coke.

Thursday morning...................... oooooooooooooooooohhhh, well the drink didnt intefere with my IBS, but it hurts the head..... So thats some good news, I can at least survive on Bacardi and coke even if theres not much food in the world I will be able to eat. I had a health check a few weeks ago, and I am supposedly intollerent of more foods than most people. Yeah right.... a lot of the stuff on the list, I never eat as its disgusting......Who eats olives I ask !!!!!!