Technical Help Required

Well, being a bit of a technophobe, even though I work in IT, I have no idea how to accomplish the task I have set myself. Sometime in the future, I would like to make my blog, use RSS. I have myself an RSS reader, and have subscribed to various sites, and this works great. I would like to open this feature up to my readership, such that you can subscribe to my RSS feeds, but have no idea whats required, or how to do it. I have reviewed a couple of sites around this topic, and boy I just get so confused.
Anybody have any ideas or point me at some links that explain this in plain simple noddy English !

A confused Essex Girl !

A Lots Happened Recently

Well folks, its been a while since I posted, but I have been extremely busy with work, preparing for visitors from abroad and preparing to run a seminar for 50 of our customers, so you can guess its been a bit hectic. We ran the seminar last Thursday, and had a full house. I arrived home at 10:30pm Thursday evening, and slept like a log, then back to work Friday, and when I returned home again, I was asleep all evening after dinner.
I have also subscribed to a search engine to find the cheapest fuel in my location. This is really good and has already saved many pounds as I do approx 35,000 miles a year, the savings will soon stack up. If you want the cheapest fuel, then go to http://www.petrolprices.com/ or locate the logo at the bottom of my blog page.
Also our house has been on the market now for three weeks, and we have had one viewing and one that failed to turn up. I think we wont be using this agent again, and will renew our contract with somebody else.
This coming weekend we are off to Amsterdam for a long weekend. Here 'she who must be obeyed' will be experiencing one of Hollands notorious food stuffs, and we will both be very 'happy' for the evening. I havent had much of a chance to dress up properly recently, but will be spending the whole of our long weekend away as Michelle. I cant wait til Friday evening to do my nails etc... and pack our case. I will report back when we return, and may even post a few pictures for you all.

Laser Treatment Update

Just a short update on my laser treatment. I have been going now for some months as you may recall. The treatment has 6 week breaks unless you catch the sun, then you have to wait a bit longer, so during the summer I had to extend the period between treatments. Anyway, its going really well. I have almost completed my under arm treatment. Underarm hair is almost totally gone, so far I have only found 1 very fine hair. The girls at the clinic tell me I should expect some fine hair, and that I can have 'maintenance' treatments whenever needed, but it would be easier to tweeze them out. I started having my nipples done as well since they were good and thick hair, and they have run-a-way and hidden as well so I am almost hair free on the chest as well. Luckily I wasnt particularly hairy in the first place.
Is it painful? well the first couple of times, I had to have them stop 3 times on each armpit, but these are supposed to be the most sensitive part of the body, the nipples I could accept the whole treatment the first time. Now, since the thick hair has deminished, I can accept the whole treatment under arm with no stopping. I read that it feels like somebody pinging an elastic band on your body, and I think thats the best description really. They apply Aloe Vera afterwards to help reduce the heat. I usually have my treatment in the morning between 9 and 10, then by lunchtime the heat and pain has pretty much gone. By evening, I have no after affects at all. If you dislike body hair as much as I do, perhaps you should
consider it. I can thoroughly recommend bodilight in Milton Keynes, I have turned up in semi girl mode everytime, all the clothes I've worn are womens clothes, but ususally tight jeans and pretty tops. They dont bat an eyelid, they are used to treating transexuals so they tell me, so to have a TV in the premises is not
big deal. I love being there, as I can be the real me in public.

Our House For Sale

So we've put our house on the market, and here it is, if anybody's genuinely interested, get in touch at graham.harper@btconnect.com

Our House

Its Been A While - House for Sale

Well folks, its been a busy couple of weeks, We had a few days off, and spent the weekend striping and repainting the garage door, I broke many nails and totally ruined my nail varnish. Then we spent the next 2 days having a massive throw out time, we binned loads of old stuff, and stuff we've never used, and took it all down the rubbish dump. Yes, we did as much recycling as possible. Also sorted some clothes and other odds and ends, and deposited them at the cancer research shop. Then after three hard days work, we treated ourselves to watching 'Memoirs of a Geisha'. A very moving film, I got a but weepy, but I think it was more because the star of the show ages throughout the film from about 6 years old to probably mid 20's. In her earliest form, she was the spitting image of my eldest daughter when she was 6. It was terribly spooky.
We also had a couple of estate agents in to value our little abode, and then we went and looked at a very large house, that is within our price range, and only because its in quite a bad state of repair. We both said the house is just ideal from room sizes and the number and location of rooms, its just we would have to spend a good few days clearing up the grime of the previous occupiers before we could start to live in a Couple of rooms. Then I am guessing it would take at least 6 months to decorate the place to make it more homely. There is some superficial exterior work that needs to be done, but nothing I couldn't get organized (I don't do heights, so somebody else can so that).
We also went to a new restaurant in Northampton called Occo on Derngate. A very nice Moroccan and Lebanese restaurant. We didn't really now what to have, so fortunately, they provide an 'experience dinner' where you get lots of samples of the food, it was absolutely great.

Whales in London

no thats not the country ! I had heard the the river Thames was supposed to be really clean now-adays (I wouldn't drink from it though), and that they had seen fish in the river, but today, the BBC report not 1 but 2 BIG whales had been spotted in the Thames. Apparently people have been flocking to the bridges over the river to catch a glimpse of these magnificent creatures. And its not April 1st yet either.

How Boy'ish or Girly are You ?

I found this earlier today, and it tells me i'm 60% girly. Well as if I didnt know that already !

You Are 40% Boyish and 60% Girlish

You are pretty evenly split down the middle - a total eunuch. Okay, kidding about the eunuch part. But you do get along with both sexes. You reject traditional gender roles. However, you don't actively fight them. You're just you. You don't try to be what people expect you to be.

How Boyish or Girlish Are You?

A Word of Advice To All Wanna-bee Transvestites.

If your just starting out on this voyage of discovery, there is possibly only one shop that you may be considering going too. They are the most well known in the transvestite community, and are also the biggest rip off merchants on the planet.
I have only visited their shops maybe three times in my 7 years since being out'd by my ex-wife. I now shop with confidence in regular shops for my whole female attire even shoes. I discovered that the shop assistants will occasionally give you a knowing smile, but most of the time, your just another punter buying something for his wife/girlfriend. I shop with my wife who is a size 18, and I'm a size 14, she is a 38C bra and I'm a 36A, this raised an eyebrow last weekend when we went shopping in Debenhams in Milton Keynes. I bought a very nice set of undies and bra by Sloggi. We both went to the checkout, and the girl looked me straight in the eye, then looked at my wife, then proceeded to ring my purchases through with a little smile. I have never been treated with anything but courtesy when buying female clothes or accessories, so my advice to any wanna-bee transvestites, is shop in regular shops and don't be afraid. You will save a fortune over the rip off merchant prices, and your purchases will be of a good quality whereas the rip off merchant's products are of a very poor standard.
I have been made aware via Becky's T*Blog of a Google bomb that is aimed at getting this shop removed from its number 1 place on search engines.
So I'm backing the campaign to get Transformation off the top spot for Google searches with the Anti-Transformation Google Bomb! The idea is to "Google Bomb" the Wikipedia entry for transvestite with links labelled simply with the word "transvestite".
If you have a blog or a web site, and you support this campaign, please copy and paste the code in the box below into your blog.
<[a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transvestite" title="transvestite">transvestite<[/a>
just remove the two '[' characters from the string above, and it should work fine.
You'll be doing trannies of the UK and around the world a favour!

New Template Installed

Well, new year is almost upon us, I have uploaded my new template, and have found one irritating issue with it, and that is everywhere I've written an apostrophie, it has been replaced with a euro sign. This is only for past posts, and any new posts this appears to be fine. I will slowly go back over my past posts, and amend the ' with a ' and republish them to fix the problem.

Happy New Year. and lets hope its a nice peaceful one !

New Template For A New Year.

Hi People.
Today I have been updating my blogs template. I found a nice one on Cazza's blog templates site, and so have been busy beavering away at including all my customised bits and pieces. I have now completed it all, and will be unveiling the new look on January 1st. New year, new me !

At this time of year, a lot of people look back over the past year, not me. I have had some good times and some not so good. So I am going to look forwards to 2006. In the coming year, I intend to try some new things, as I'm always up for a challenge. So in no particular order I will hopefully at some time in 2006 do the following:
1. Smoke a cigar - I don't smoke, and don't like other doing it (I did smoke for a little while when I was 15, but that was kids stuff).
2. Go ice skating, I have done this before, but always end up on my arse. I haven't been for over 10 years, and hopefully my belly will counter balance the weight of my arse.
3. Lose approximately 8lb (4Kg to those on European measures). I have no idea what I weight, so maybe it will need to be a little more.
4. Go nude on the beach in summer. Yes I did that this year, but we were the only people on the beach so it isn't the same.

Damn that Engineer - He's so funny !

Well last night, I read the engineers perspective to the wife. Its been about 6 years since I read it last. Well, bugger me, I was halfway through reading it when I started to get the giggles, and as you read the article you will see what I mean, the further you go, the more you laugh. By the time I was almost finished reading the story, I could hardly speak, I was laughing so much, I had tears rolling down my cheeks. One saving grace. I wasn't wearing any mascara.

Have a great festive time who and where-ever you are.

Does Santa Clause Exist? - The Engineers Perspective

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, assuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and go to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the 'flying' reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them. Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth II (the ship, not the monarch).
600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance, this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to, well, a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now... or let's say he is suffering from one monstrous headache!

Does Santa Clause Exist? - The Explaination

For those of you who like to continue to believe, I offer the following explanation as a rebuttal to the "Engineer's Perspective"
The secret is that he slows time down for the rest of us, so he can move about freely while most of us are virtually frozen in place. So he can make millions of trips to and from his warehouses to all the kids' homes. He can accomplish this through the use of a little known portion of the general theory of relativity having to do with the relative rotations of electrons at super-cooled temperatures (that's why he has to live at the North Pole, by the way). Santa's elves discovered long ago that when you vibrate super-cooled electrons using loud sounds at a very specific wavelength, they give off special quarks that interact with the neutrinos in the interstellar medium and the aurora borealis (this is, by the way, why Santa has to fly so high in the atmosphere). This causes time to dilate for everyone except Santa and his sleigh (including reindeer), to one billionth of the pace that it normally runs. As it turns out, the specific wavelength of sound that is needed corresponds precisely with the wavelength of the deep bass "HO,HO,HO" which Santa has perfected.
The details of how this works are beyond the scope of this presentation. The reindeer don't actually fly as we normally think of it. Because time is so slowed down around them, they are able to actually attach themselves to clumps of photons that they see moving slowly by. This is, by the way, why they needed Rudolph's bright nose in the classic story. It wasn't just to see; it was also because they needed the light to help them stay aloft. The time dilation factor is the reason why almost no one has actually seen Santa flying by in his sleigh. Clement Moore was able to write his classic poem "A Visit from St. Nick" when an unusual alignments of planets caused the energy from a distant quasar to be focused directly on the grounds surrounding his house in New York at the precise moment when Santa arrived that night back in the 18th century. The energy amplified the time dilation effect that surrounded the sleigh, and expanded it to include the house. For this reason, Moore was able to watch Santa in what he believed was real time. Incidentally, this time dilation effect means that Santa himself spends an incredible amount of his actual time delivering the presents on Christmas Eve. It's not unusual for him to spend years of his own lifetime every Christmas Eve delivering packages. All this effort (plus the energy he expends yelling "HO,HO,HO" every few seconds to maintain the effect) wears him out. Fortunately, Santa pauses every once in a while to rest while delivering presents, and since he spends some of his time with Mrs. Claus he is able to produce descendants. So, each year what you see is a different Santa - the son or grandson of the last year's Santa. That explains why, if you go back to the same department store year after year, Santa sometimes looks a little different (fatter, thinner, glasses, spots of dark hair behind his white beard, etc.) It's really a different Santa every year. In fact, this constant substitution of the new Santa for the old has inspired stories like the comic strip "The Phantom", or the TV show "Lassie,” where they used several generations of look alike dogs. Since I've learned these details, my real concern about Santa has to do with how he will cope in the future when mankind has developed interstellar travel at "relativistic" speeds. No one has ever positively determined whether the time dilation effect he has perfected is cancelled out by the effect of time travel at near light speeds, or whether it is compounded! Obviously, if compounded, he will have no problem travelling all over the galaxy on Christmas Eve (although, obviously, it will take several generations of Santa's to do just one Christmas). If, on the other hand, the effect is cancelled, then Santa would have to actually operate in "real time", which means Christmas would have to be cancelled. I've been working diligently on trying to solve this problem, which explains why I've made so little progress on solving the problems of global warming or world hunger. Anyway, at least for the near future, Santa Claus is definitely coming to town!

A Day In The Life Of ?

I took a trip abroad last week to see one of my customers The Blooper Troopers. They had recently completed an upgrade after a year testing out the new product. And since then we have released another version which they won't move to for some time yet. During my visit, they complained of so many things that I have spent all day today working on fixing these issues for them or seeing if these issue have been resolved in the NOW available release. Of 21 issues, I can't resolve 3, and two others appear to be genuine bugs, so that's not bad. Perhaps they should have waited for the NOW release, rather than being so hasty, hopefully I will finish my testing on Wednesday.

Also went out with 'She Who Must Be Obeyed' last night (Sunday). Linda works for the UK's largest supermarket, and we had her teams Christmas dinner at a hotel near where we live. We went by cab so I could have a drink or seven. Well knowing I would be meeting her insensitive boss and his female underling, Linda asked that I don't be too obviously fem, which I didn't have a problem with, but I did wear my diamante studded thong, and some very festive earrings of Santa. Oh yes, and I slipped on a little sparkly lippy for added effect. Well we had to start the night on the right footing, and had a very large Bacardi and coke before leaving home, then had another 2 in the bar, followed by a jug of some very unusual cocktail that tasted like pernod in an apple flavoured J2O. You got used to it after the first glass.
We had the meal which was pretty good all round, and played some general knowledge quizzes followed by a music quiz, and then some Karaoke, which I managed to avoid since being tone deaf, would not have been much fun for the other punters. Anyway, the boring old farts we had gone with, all left by 10:00, and yet most of them wouldn't be in work until late of not on shift Monday at all.... We stayed till 11:30, and got our cab home again, which was lucky really as my legs were starting to go, and my eyesight was shot to pieces.
Got up this morning, No hangover, just my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, Yuk.

Oh yeah, did you hear the explosion in Hemel Hempstead Saturday morning, Allegedly it has was heard over 150 miles away. We only live about 35 miles from Hemel, and didn't hear a thing. The oil depot is still burning well today, and is expected to be burning for most of this week. They have closed the M1 motorway again this afternoon as they are expecting some more of the tanks to blow this evening.

MEME

Here's a little something I stole from a friend of mine. If you're unfamiliar with a MEME, then basically, its n number of things you can/cant/want to do etc... This is extremely hard, as it can involve an amount of inner searching, and realisation of your own situation. I have trouble with all of these questions, as since my divorce back in 1999, I have become so open about myself, and already realised some of my fantasy's, so to complete 7 things I want to do, is pretty difficult as I have done a lot of them already. As I don't listen to myself, I don't really know what common phrases I say all the time, and to identify 7 things I cant do, well usually if I cant do it, then usually I don't need to be able to do it like laying carpet, I always get the carpet fitter in (much more fun watching somebody else doing it (evil grin).

7 Things I Can Do:

1. Put on a dress and still look like a 'bloke in a dress' to quote Eddie Izzard.


2. Reverse my car into a parking space without hitting anything !


3. Wear high heels and feel good about it.


4. Do-it-yourself maintenance (yes in heels as well).


5. Fall asleep anywhere, anytime (yes, I have fallen asleep in a night club before).


6. Put my foot in my mouth (in both the physical (toes anyway) and metaphorical sense).


7. Paint my nails really well.

7 Things I Can't Do

1. Give birth (I'm a guy after all).


2. Multi-task.


3. Hold my drink, I get drunk after 3 pints of beer, and legless after 4.


4. Remember things, I am memory challenged.


5. Put on mascara, it usually ends up down my cheek or smudged over my eyelid.


6. Ice skate, I have a bad sense of balance.


7. Sing.

7 Things I Constantly Say:

1. Oh bollocks.


2. Whatever.


3. Forget it !


4. I don't remember that !


5. Okey dokey.


6. Sorted.


7. Lovely jubley.

7 Things I'd like to do in my Lifetime:

1. Visit the many exciting places on my travel list.


2. Participate in a group orgy.


3. Be accepted in public when dressed as a woman.


4. Attend the Olympic games - not so much for the sport, more for the atmosphere.


5. Go to a Formula 1 race meeting - Yes I lived in Silverstone for several years and never went.


6. Fly on a supersonic jet.


7. Fly in a hot air balloon.

It Only Takes A Minute

This and the following post have come from my youngest daughter, shes only 14, but so grown up. These are both part of a chain mail which I dont do! its a waste of my time and everybody elses. However on reading the text, I felt it was worth publishing, and so if you wish to re-post, or copy and send around the world, feel free.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

15 Things You Probably Never Knew

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance.

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you


2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.


3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.


4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.


5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.


6. You mean the world to someone.


7. If not for you, someone may not be living.


8. You are special and unique.


9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.


10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.


11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.


12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.


13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.


14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.


15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

General People Descriptions

I got this from a work colleague, really funny. Ever been called any of these, well maybe I haven't, but quite often I feel like number 14.

1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.


2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.


3. A room temperature IQ.


4. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.


5. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.


6. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.


7. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.


8. Bright as Alaska in December.


9. One celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.


10. Donated his body to scientists... Before he was done using it.


11. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.


12. Fell out of the family tree.


13. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.


14. Has two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.


15. He's so dense, light bends around him.


16. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.


17. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.


18. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.


19. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.


20. It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.


21. One neuron short of a synapse.


22. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.


23. Takes him 1.5 hours to watch "60 Minutes".

I did remove a couple as I felt they were too 'other' country originated, as I didn't understand them.. perhaps thats me just being number 17 though !
Enjoy.

A quick catch up

Well it must be 3 weeks since I last posted, and a lots happened since. So lets step back in time a wee bit.........

We went on holiday to Cyprus between 30 October and 6 November, we had a really great time even though the weather was lets say 'changeable' , we had warm days, some rain and lots of strong winds (weather wise, not ME). Anyway, in a previous post I suggested we may have some pictures of me on the beech to show you. Opps. Not so, Wifey was using her new digital camera whilst I was prancing around in a major olympic sized rock pool in just my bikini thong, and the pictures we ended up with were to say, well bit of rock, thumbs and me disappearing from the left side of picture....... She needs more practice, so I have volunteered to pose for her......

On the morning of our flight back, she gives me a major blood vessel burst in the left eye, looked really bad at the time, but is almost gone now. We had to buy a ruck sack to carry all our booze back, and it was whilst I was trying to put this on with wifey's help, that the incident occurred, knocking off my glasses and slicing into my eye.

Since returning from holiday, I spent the first week on a 5 day training course learning a new product, its really cool, but I wont bore you with the details (unless you really ask). Then my colleague at work (we are a team of 2), goes and gets pneumonia and spends several days hospitalized. They tested him for legionaires as he was not presenting the normal symptoms of pneumonia. Thank God he didn't have that. Anyway, he was pumped full of drugs (prescription drugs I add quickly, but I'm sure he would have been happy with some 'blow',), anyway, he is back home now and recovering well, and I'm really pleased for him to be getting over it so quickly, we've chatted a lot, over several days but in short bursts as he gets breathless quickly. So that means I am picking up his workload at the moment as well. Life's getting tougher.......

Then only Wednesday this week, I found my memory stick wouldn't work with my laptop anymore, I was getting distraught as I have some important documents on it which I would hate to loose. Ok all you IT people, I know I should make backups, and I will some day.......Anyway, I plugged the memory stick into my USB hub at home, and the laptop detects it just fine, what a relief.
Anyway, must go for now as much work to do, and have missed lunch to make this post.

Off On Holiday

We're off on holiday to Cyprus tomorrow morning, so today, I have just had a long hot shower and am now completely smooth ready for the beach. I had my laser treatment again last Thursday, so my underarms and chest are completely smooth and hopefully will be forever in another 6 months. I hate body hair, it's the most unattractive part of the body. The only place hair should be is on the head.
We are hoping for a reasonably warm week so we can lounge on the beach in our bikini bottoms or less depending if we find somewhere suitable. I don't want a full tan, I cant do a full tan in a week, it takes me about three weeks to get a decent tanned colour else I burn too quickly.
So hopefully we will have a few pictures of us on the beach that I may share on the blog if Linda Okays them first.
I will report back about our 'holiday from hell' hotel when we get back (If we get back !)