New Template Installed

Well, new year is almost upon us, I have uploaded my new template, and have found one irritating issue with it, and that is everywhere I've written an apostrophie, it has been replaced with a euro sign. This is only for past posts, and any new posts this appears to be fine. I will slowly go back over my past posts, and amend the ' with a ' and republish them to fix the problem.

Happy New Year. and lets hope its a nice peaceful one !

New Template For A New Year.

Hi People.
Today I have been updating my blogs template. I found a nice one on Cazza's blog templates site, and so have been busy beavering away at including all my customised bits and pieces. I have now completed it all, and will be unveiling the new look on January 1st. New year, new me !

At this time of year, a lot of people look back over the past year, not me. I have had some good times and some not so good. So I am going to look forwards to 2006. In the coming year, I intend to try some new things, as I'm always up for a challenge. So in no particular order I will hopefully at some time in 2006 do the following:
1. Smoke a cigar - I don't smoke, and don't like other doing it (I did smoke for a little while when I was 15, but that was kids stuff).
2. Go ice skating, I have done this before, but always end up on my arse. I haven't been for over 10 years, and hopefully my belly will counter balance the weight of my arse.
3. Lose approximately 8lb (4Kg to those on European measures). I have no idea what I weight, so maybe it will need to be a little more.
4. Go nude on the beach in summer. Yes I did that this year, but we were the only people on the beach so it isn't the same.

Damn that Engineer - He's so funny !

Well last night, I read the engineers perspective to the wife. Its been about 6 years since I read it last. Well, bugger me, I was halfway through reading it when I started to get the giggles, and as you read the article you will see what I mean, the further you go, the more you laugh. By the time I was almost finished reading the story, I could hardly speak, I was laughing so much, I had tears rolling down my cheeks. One saving grace. I wasn't wearing any mascara.

Have a great festive time who and where-ever you are.

Does Santa Clause Exist? - The Engineers Perspective

There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, assuming there is at least one good child in each.
Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 visits per second. This is to say that for each Christian household with a good child, Santa has around 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and go to the next house. Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles per household; a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting bathroom stops or breaks. This means Santa's sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second or 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run (at best) 15 miles per hour.
The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a medium sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons, not counting Santa himself. On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that the 'flying' reindeer could pull ten times the normal amount, the job can't be done with eight or even nine of them. Santa would need 360,000 of them. This increases the payload, not counting the weight of the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth II (the ship, not the monarch).
600,000 tons travelling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance, this would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second each. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporised within 4.26 thousandths of a second, or right about the time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip. Not that it matters, however, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 mps in .001 seconds, would be subjected to centrifugal forces of 17,500 g's. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to, well, a quivering blob of pink goo.
Therefore, if Santa did exist, he's dead now... or let's say he is suffering from one monstrous headache!

Does Santa Clause Exist? - The Explaination

For those of you who like to continue to believe, I offer the following explanation as a rebuttal to the "Engineer's Perspective"
The secret is that he slows time down for the rest of us, so he can move about freely while most of us are virtually frozen in place. So he can make millions of trips to and from his warehouses to all the kids' homes. He can accomplish this through the use of a little known portion of the general theory of relativity having to do with the relative rotations of electrons at super-cooled temperatures (that's why he has to live at the North Pole, by the way). Santa's elves discovered long ago that when you vibrate super-cooled electrons using loud sounds at a very specific wavelength, they give off special quarks that interact with the neutrinos in the interstellar medium and the aurora borealis (this is, by the way, why Santa has to fly so high in the atmosphere). This causes time to dilate for everyone except Santa and his sleigh (including reindeer), to one billionth of the pace that it normally runs. As it turns out, the specific wavelength of sound that is needed corresponds precisely with the wavelength of the deep bass "HO,HO,HO" which Santa has perfected.
The details of how this works are beyond the scope of this presentation. The reindeer don't actually fly as we normally think of it. Because time is so slowed down around them, they are able to actually attach themselves to clumps of photons that they see moving slowly by. This is, by the way, why they needed Rudolph's bright nose in the classic story. It wasn't just to see; it was also because they needed the light to help them stay aloft. The time dilation factor is the reason why almost no one has actually seen Santa flying by in his sleigh. Clement Moore was able to write his classic poem "A Visit from St. Nick" when an unusual alignments of planets caused the energy from a distant quasar to be focused directly on the grounds surrounding his house in New York at the precise moment when Santa arrived that night back in the 18th century. The energy amplified the time dilation effect that surrounded the sleigh, and expanded it to include the house. For this reason, Moore was able to watch Santa in what he believed was real time. Incidentally, this time dilation effect means that Santa himself spends an incredible amount of his actual time delivering the presents on Christmas Eve. It's not unusual for him to spend years of his own lifetime every Christmas Eve delivering packages. All this effort (plus the energy he expends yelling "HO,HO,HO" every few seconds to maintain the effect) wears him out. Fortunately, Santa pauses every once in a while to rest while delivering presents, and since he spends some of his time with Mrs. Claus he is able to produce descendants. So, each year what you see is a different Santa - the son or grandson of the last year's Santa. That explains why, if you go back to the same department store year after year, Santa sometimes looks a little different (fatter, thinner, glasses, spots of dark hair behind his white beard, etc.) It's really a different Santa every year. In fact, this constant substitution of the new Santa for the old has inspired stories like the comic strip "The Phantom", or the TV show "Lassie,” where they used several generations of look alike dogs. Since I've learned these details, my real concern about Santa has to do with how he will cope in the future when mankind has developed interstellar travel at "relativistic" speeds. No one has ever positively determined whether the time dilation effect he has perfected is cancelled out by the effect of time travel at near light speeds, or whether it is compounded! Obviously, if compounded, he will have no problem travelling all over the galaxy on Christmas Eve (although, obviously, it will take several generations of Santa's to do just one Christmas). If, on the other hand, the effect is cancelled, then Santa would have to actually operate in "real time", which means Christmas would have to be cancelled. I've been working diligently on trying to solve this problem, which explains why I've made so little progress on solving the problems of global warming or world hunger. Anyway, at least for the near future, Santa Claus is definitely coming to town!

A Day In The Life Of ?

I took a trip abroad last week to see one of my customers The Blooper Troopers. They had recently completed an upgrade after a year testing out the new product. And since then we have released another version which they won't move to for some time yet. During my visit, they complained of so many things that I have spent all day today working on fixing these issues for them or seeing if these issue have been resolved in the NOW available release. Of 21 issues, I can't resolve 3, and two others appear to be genuine bugs, so that's not bad. Perhaps they should have waited for the NOW release, rather than being so hasty, hopefully I will finish my testing on Wednesday.

Also went out with 'She Who Must Be Obeyed' last night (Sunday). Linda works for the UK's largest supermarket, and we had her teams Christmas dinner at a hotel near where we live. We went by cab so I could have a drink or seven. Well knowing I would be meeting her insensitive boss and his female underling, Linda asked that I don't be too obviously fem, which I didn't have a problem with, but I did wear my diamante studded thong, and some very festive earrings of Santa. Oh yes, and I slipped on a little sparkly lippy for added effect. Well we had to start the night on the right footing, and had a very large Bacardi and coke before leaving home, then had another 2 in the bar, followed by a jug of some very unusual cocktail that tasted like pernod in an apple flavoured J2O. You got used to it after the first glass.
We had the meal which was pretty good all round, and played some general knowledge quizzes followed by a music quiz, and then some Karaoke, which I managed to avoid since being tone deaf, would not have been much fun for the other punters. Anyway, the boring old farts we had gone with, all left by 10:00, and yet most of them wouldn't be in work until late of not on shift Monday at all.... We stayed till 11:30, and got our cab home again, which was lucky really as my legs were starting to go, and my eyesight was shot to pieces.
Got up this morning, No hangover, just my tongue was stuck to the roof of my mouth, Yuk.

Oh yeah, did you hear the explosion in Hemel Hempstead Saturday morning, Allegedly it has was heard over 150 miles away. We only live about 35 miles from Hemel, and didn't hear a thing. The oil depot is still burning well today, and is expected to be burning for most of this week. They have closed the M1 motorway again this afternoon as they are expecting some more of the tanks to blow this evening.

MEME

Here's a little something I stole from a friend of mine. If you're unfamiliar with a MEME, then basically, its n number of things you can/cant/want to do etc... This is extremely hard, as it can involve an amount of inner searching, and realisation of your own situation. I have trouble with all of these questions, as since my divorce back in 1999, I have become so open about myself, and already realised some of my fantasy's, so to complete 7 things I want to do, is pretty difficult as I have done a lot of them already. As I don't listen to myself, I don't really know what common phrases I say all the time, and to identify 7 things I cant do, well usually if I cant do it, then usually I don't need to be able to do it like laying carpet, I always get the carpet fitter in (much more fun watching somebody else doing it (evil grin).

7 Things I Can Do:

1. Put on a dress and still look like a 'bloke in a dress' to quote Eddie Izzard.


2. Reverse my car into a parking space without hitting anything !


3. Wear high heels and feel good about it.


4. Do-it-yourself maintenance (yes in heels as well).


5. Fall asleep anywhere, anytime (yes, I have fallen asleep in a night club before).


6. Put my foot in my mouth (in both the physical (toes anyway) and metaphorical sense).


7. Paint my nails really well.

7 Things I Can't Do

1. Give birth (I'm a guy after all).


2. Multi-task.


3. Hold my drink, I get drunk after 3 pints of beer, and legless after 4.


4. Remember things, I am memory challenged.


5. Put on mascara, it usually ends up down my cheek or smudged over my eyelid.


6. Ice skate, I have a bad sense of balance.


7. Sing.

7 Things I Constantly Say:

1. Oh bollocks.


2. Whatever.


3. Forget it !


4. I don't remember that !


5. Okey dokey.


6. Sorted.


7. Lovely jubley.

7 Things I'd like to do in my Lifetime:

1. Visit the many exciting places on my travel list.


2. Participate in a group orgy.


3. Be accepted in public when dressed as a woman.


4. Attend the Olympic games - not so much for the sport, more for the atmosphere.


5. Go to a Formula 1 race meeting - Yes I lived in Silverstone for several years and never went.


6. Fly on a supersonic jet.


7. Fly in a hot air balloon.

It Only Takes A Minute

This and the following post have come from my youngest daughter, shes only 14, but so grown up. These are both part of a chain mail which I dont do! its a waste of my time and everybody elses. However on reading the text, I felt it was worth publishing, and so if you wish to re-post, or copy and send around the world, feel free.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

15 Things You Probably Never Knew

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here, we might as well dance.

15 Things You Probably Never Knew or Thought About

1. At least 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you


2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way.


3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you.


4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don't like you.


5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep.


6. You mean the world to someone.


7. If not for you, someone may not be living.


8. You are special and unique.


9. Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.


10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it.


11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world.


12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won't get it, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it.


13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks.


14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know.


15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great.

General People Descriptions

I got this from a work colleague, really funny. Ever been called any of these, well maybe I haven't, but quite often I feel like number 14.

1. Not the sharpest knife in the drawer.


2. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.


3. A room temperature IQ.


4. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold them together.


5. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.


6. A photographic memory, but the lens cover is glued on.


7. A prime candidate for natural de-selection.


8. Bright as Alaska in December.


9. One celled organisms out score him in IQ tests.


10. Donated his body to scientists... Before he was done using it.


11. During evolution his ancestors were in the control group.


12. Fell out of the family tree.


13. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming.


14. Has two brains, one is lost and the other is out looking for it.


15. He's so dense, light bends around him.


16. If brains were taxed, he'd get a rebate.


17. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.


18. If you give him a penny for his thoughts, you get change back.


19. If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean.


20. It's hard to believe that he beat 100,000 other sperm.


21. One neuron short of a synapse.


22. Some drink from the fountain of knowledge, but he just gargled.


23. Takes him 1.5 hours to watch "60 Minutes".

I did remove a couple as I felt they were too 'other' country originated, as I didn't understand them.. perhaps thats me just being number 17 though !
Enjoy.

A quick catch up

Well it must be 3 weeks since I last posted, and a lots happened since. So lets step back in time a wee bit.........

We went on holiday to Cyprus between 30 October and 6 November, we had a really great time even though the weather was lets say 'changeable' , we had warm days, some rain and lots of strong winds (weather wise, not ME). Anyway, in a previous post I suggested we may have some pictures of me on the beech to show you. Opps. Not so, Wifey was using her new digital camera whilst I was prancing around in a major olympic sized rock pool in just my bikini thong, and the pictures we ended up with were to say, well bit of rock, thumbs and me disappearing from the left side of picture....... She needs more practice, so I have volunteered to pose for her......

On the morning of our flight back, she gives me a major blood vessel burst in the left eye, looked really bad at the time, but is almost gone now. We had to buy a ruck sack to carry all our booze back, and it was whilst I was trying to put this on with wifey's help, that the incident occurred, knocking off my glasses and slicing into my eye.

Since returning from holiday, I spent the first week on a 5 day training course learning a new product, its really cool, but I wont bore you with the details (unless you really ask). Then my colleague at work (we are a team of 2), goes and gets pneumonia and spends several days hospitalized. They tested him for legionaires as he was not presenting the normal symptoms of pneumonia. Thank God he didn't have that. Anyway, he was pumped full of drugs (prescription drugs I add quickly, but I'm sure he would have been happy with some 'blow',), anyway, he is back home now and recovering well, and I'm really pleased for him to be getting over it so quickly, we've chatted a lot, over several days but in short bursts as he gets breathless quickly. So that means I am picking up his workload at the moment as well. Life's getting tougher.......

Then only Wednesday this week, I found my memory stick wouldn't work with my laptop anymore, I was getting distraught as I have some important documents on it which I would hate to loose. Ok all you IT people, I know I should make backups, and I will some day.......Anyway, I plugged the memory stick into my USB hub at home, and the laptop detects it just fine, what a relief.
Anyway, must go for now as much work to do, and have missed lunch to make this post.

Off On Holiday

We're off on holiday to Cyprus tomorrow morning, so today, I have just had a long hot shower and am now completely smooth ready for the beach. I had my laser treatment again last Thursday, so my underarms and chest are completely smooth and hopefully will be forever in another 6 months. I hate body hair, it's the most unattractive part of the body. The only place hair should be is on the head.
We are hoping for a reasonably warm week so we can lounge on the beach in our bikini bottoms or less depending if we find somewhere suitable. I don't want a full tan, I cant do a full tan in a week, it takes me about three weeks to get a decent tanned colour else I burn too quickly.
So hopefully we will have a few pictures of us on the beach that I may share on the blog if Linda Okays them first.
I will report back about our 'holiday from hell' hotel when we get back (If we get back !)

Kinky Boots Review

Yesterday we went and saw the film Kinky Boots. firstly, I had a rare experience, I travelled on a very big bus, something I havent done for over a year. what an experience. We arrived mid afternoon at the cinema for this showing, and the cinema was almost deserted. There were about 12 other people in there, and I think I was the youngest, and Linda the second youngest, It was much like a pensioners day out and I expected toffee rustling denture munching old biddies to be running up and down the isles. Anyway, the film is in my opinion is a good representaiton of a transgendered / crossdressers life, with an exciting spin on how you can actually convert total biggots to accept people who are different. The film is not spectacular, but in my mind its educational and entertaining, and to me thats important in a film. Living here in Northampton, as I do, I was pleased to see that they used more than just the Trickers shoe factory in the film, there are several scenes shot in the market square and elsewhere around the town (some of which I didnt know, but hey, Ive only lived here 5 years). They also spent time in London supposedly, in a drag Queen establishment, and I spent all my time looking to see if I recognised anybody there, and yes, I believe I did recognise a well know Tranny from Northampton who appears in many TV items (television - get your mind out of the gutter please !) .
Linda and I actually met them one night a few years back for a tranny get together, and both Nikki and his wife are very pleasent, but to us it looked like a business and making money, so we havent been back since as it was all very highbrow, nice but a bit pricey.
So if you want a laugh, and want to see what its like to be a tranny, then go see the film, it will open your eyes to many things we have to endure on a personal day to day basis.

The Ideal home Show.

Well Sunday we took a trip into London, and decided to travel on Midland Mainline from Wellingborough, which for a Sunday, costs almost as much per person as traveling during peak time from Milton Keynes. Anyway, after getting over the shock of the prices, we arrived at the show, and on reflection it was OK, nothing special, but we did manage to get loads of free food from the vendors, and from the girls in the main hall entrance, they were giving away boxes of meusli. Not my favorite breakfast cereal, but it will do, so we collected 3 boxes of the stuff during the time we were there.
I had in my mind that the show would have several houses with floor plans and fully furnished houses, but they only had two, one was for carpets, and the other was to try and sell you properties in Spain. but it was a good day all in all.

A funny old week

Well this week has been pretty busy and I have seen some strange stuff. On Monday, I had to drive halfway across the country to Swindon, and spent 2 ½ hours presenting to one of our clients. Tuesday, I spent all day schlepping around London. I was in Bishopsgate in the morning, then walked to Holburn over lunch for my second appointment. On route, I was accosted by several people pushing newspapers, magazines and religious junk mail at me. I took the newspapers as they would be good reading material on the train, and they also have my favourite game 'Soduko' in them, so that would keep me amused on the journey home. Why do they insist on pushing junk at everybody, its such a waste of paper. Also on route, I saw the strangest sight of my life so far…… A very short rotund feller wearing a bright purple leotard, stood on top of a large crate, pushing pretend weight's. What made this sight even worse for me was the fact that he was extremely hairy ALL over. It reminded me of something you would have seen in Barnham's circus way back when, right down t the handle bar moustache. There were several people standing by taking pictures of this very unusual sight. So if you come to London, you must expect the unexpected. Thursday I drove down to the office for my 3 monthly appraisal with the boss, and spent an hour parked on the M40 as there had been a major RTA and the air ambulance needed to land. There was a BMW sandwiched between a couple of trucks, poor sod. That's one of my biggest fears is that I will end up road kill by some foreign truck driver, we have more foreign trucks on our roads now and they are either very tired, just don't see you, or forget they should be driving on the left.
Anyway, I think I have ranted about drivers of various car types before, and I still maintain that Peugeot, BMW and Mercedes drivers are the worst. Anyway, must crack on and get back to work.

I've Been Blogrolled

How wicked, while noseying around the www, I found this site http://www.samanthaburns.com/ which has actually blogrolled me, and she has a pretty damn good site as well.

In Urgent Need Of Cash

Thursday evening, I picked Linda up from work, and then realized I needed some cash for lunch on Friday with my work colleagues. However, this may seem a simple task of stopping at the cash machine and withdrawing the money. In reality, this was a little more difficult as I was fully dressed in a Jean mini skirt, Pink sparkling t-shirt, tights and high heels. Anyway, I really needed the cash, so parked up as near to the cash machine as I could, Waited for the guy who was at the machine to return to his car, then bit the bullet, and exited the car, and walked to the cash machine whilst being very vigilant of anybody within a 1 mile radius of me, and, damn there was a guy heading straight towards me about 100 yards off, and two girls coming at me from the other direction, I was trapped.................So, what do you do. Well I decided I was NOT going to go home without my money, so stayed at the machine, placed my request and received my money. This transaction took what seemed like 20 minutes. Anyway, by now, both the girls and the guy had passed me by, so I was 'safe'. I guess I must have looked the part as they couldn't see my face, and I am a pretty average sized girl with damn good legs 'so I'm told'. Anyway, I turned and walked head held high back to the car, and had to wait beside the car as a bus full of passengers went by, so all in all a very successful trip, and an exhilarating experience. I will have to do it again one day, but not just yet.

A visit to the parents - I'm so Proud of Them

Well, Linda and I went down to see my parents at the weekend, it was my dad's 70 something birthday. Well what do you get for a guy who has everything, and if he finds something new he wants, he just goes out and buys it. A quandry.
So on Sunday morning we got up, I put on my black thin cotton trousers with sparkly tights underneath, 1.5 inch heeled shoes, 1 inch long solid gold earings and white t-shirt with lilac capped sleeves with a shiney lilac motif on the front, and lilac nail varnish, and off we go. We stopped in at Milton Keynes on the way down as we heard they were having a collectors fair. We browsed the stalls, and saw many people dressed up as Superman and trekies etc. so I didnt feel out of placed in my girly get-up. We found a picture of Sir Bobby Moore and the England football team after winning the World cup back in 1966, and inserted in the picture frame were two slides of actual film footage from the game. My dad is a football nut, so this was a must buy for us.

We stopped at the South Mimms services on the M25 for a cup of tea and cake, and I got some serious hard looks from one woman in particular, like she was saying 'who let that out' but I just sat there and raised my pinkie when drinking my tea, so she could see the full effect of the nails (which by the way are very long for a guy).

We arrived at my parents, and I think they were a little suprised by my outfit, but they were very polite and didnt say a thing. I came out to them back in autumn 1998 and was blunty told not to come home dressed. That was a long time ago, and I figured they had seen me in various female clothes, but always the type that left you thinking 'was that a girls top or shoes, or not'

So Sunday, I was full on girly. I have spoken to my mum since, and she hasnt made any untoward comments, so I guess they are OK with it all now. I'm so proud of them for accepting me for who I am, and hopefully they still love me.

If Girls Ruled The World

Well this is how we would interract with our PCs, I prefer a pretty pink blush rather than natural though !

Holiday bookings

Well how misleading can they be. She who must be obeyed, called up a holiday company yesterday to book a holiday we were quite interested in, the flights were from London - Luton, and at midday (I hate early morning flights). Anyway, the brochure on the web said the hotel was in Paphos, and the flight landed at Paphos airport, so that sounded great as I don't like long transfers. So once the boss had given over her card details, the girl said she would call back later after the transaction was complete. Well during this time we did some further research, and found that the hotel was really in Protaras, and that it takes an hour from Larnaka airport to Protaras, so we guessed it would be three hours from Paphos airport. The travel agent girl rang back, and said she thought the hotel was nowhere near Paphos, and we told her that we also believed this to be the case, so ended up booking another hotel, but this time we WILL be in Paphos, right on the harbour front (hopefully not in a cardboard box). So what out Cyprus, "girls on tour next month".